Study: 1 in 3 Americans Say Messiness Makes Their Partner Less Attractive

Clutter isn’t just a home decor problem.

It can quietly build tension in relationships, too. To understand just how much our stuff is affecting our connections, we surveyed 1,000 American couples and uncovered some surprising truths about the messy link between clutter and conflict.

Key Findings

Over 1 in 3 Americans living with a partner say their partner’s messiness has made them feel less attracted to them.
62% of women consider their partner to be messy. 50% of men say the same.
Over half of Americans say that when they are stressed about a mess, they clean it up themselves – even if it’s not their mess (59% of women versus 47% of men).
68% of Americans living with a partner say their partner holds on to clothes that no longer fit, just in case they might fit again someday

Your Mess Is Sabotaging Your Relationships

Clutter doesn’t just affect romance. It can make you hide from the world, affecting your friendships and family relationships. 19% are on edge and stressed when friends or family come over, and 16% of Americans living with a partner avoid having guests over because of the mess. Furthermore, nearly 1 in 5 (17%) are in relationships where their partner only cleans when guests are coming over, and it’s frustrating for them.

And it’s not just about appearances. 37% say their partner’s messiness has made them feel less attracted to them, and over half (61%) say clutter at least occasionally causes tension.

Who’s Cluttering American Households?

It’s official: clutter isn’t just that pile of mail on your counter. It’s a household personality trait. In fact, 58% of American households admit to struggling with occasional clutter, and another 20% recognise their home is downright disorganized. This means more than half of couples have mastered the “quick, shove it in a drawer before guests arrive” routine.

When you live with someone, things get even more interesting. 68% of Americans living with a partner say their partner holds on to clothes that no longer fit. Just in case they might fit again someday (we’re looking at you, high school jeans). And 26% of those Americans are fed up with their partner hogging up the closet space.

Meanwhile, 62% of women consider their partner to be messy, compared to 50% of men. And while compromise is part of cohabitation, 57% of Americans say their partner is messier than they’d like because love doesn’t mean loving the pile of laundry in the corner. This number rises to 66% among millennials and Gen Zers. So, this begs the questions, do younger generations struggle with clutter more, or do they hold higher standards?

Clutter Crimes

Every couple has their quirks, but clutter turns those quirks into Exhibit A in the case of “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.” The most common “clutter crimes” partners get accused of include:

And clothing habits? They’re a mixed bag that can drive partners mad. For example:

39% say their partner changes into comfy clothes right after getting home.
30% say their partner leaves dirty clothes around.
27% say laundry piles up until it’s overflowing.
19% say their partner leaves socks and underwear everywhere.
19% say their partner wears “outside clothes” on the bed or couch.
15% say their partner mixes up the dirty and clean clothes.

As for frequency, clutter is a regular guest in many homes, and many say their partner leaves their stuff all over the house. For example:

64% of Americans reported their significant other leaves dirty cups, dishes, etc. NOT in the kitchen, but throughout the house, with 29% leaving it on their nightstand, 1 in 5 on their work desk or vanity, 15% on the entertainment stand, 14% on the living room floor, 12% on the bedroom floor, and 12% on the bathroom counter.

The Dirty Truth

When clutter reaches breaking point, it’s not just the closets that feel the strain relationships do, too. In fact, 38% (the number rising to 46% among Gen Z) of people living with a significant other have secretly purged their partner’s belongings, risking anything from a tense conversation to a full-blown argument. Meanwhile, 16% have been victims of these purges.

Some take an even sneakier route: 35% of men admit to “accidentally” breaking something so it had to be tossed, and 11% of them are still keeping that little secret under wraps. And a whopping 52% of Gen Zers have admitted to doing this, with 16% saying their partner still doesn’t know.

Engaged couples are more likely than those in other types of relationships to secretly throw away things (46% report doing this) and to intentionally break things so they need to be thrown away (42% report doing so).

For others, clutter becomes relationship currency:

Some people resort to social pressure to reduce the clutter in their homes. 21% of Gen Zers say they have withheld affection, time, or attention to get their partner to clean.

Additionally, it seems time may make people more accepting of their partner, or it allows them to develop better communication skills and systems, because married couples are much less likely than other types of couples to report using social leverage to punish or motivate their partner. 63% say that they have never done anything of the kind.

When asked how often clutter causes tension in their relationship, 16% said it’s a weekly problem, causing fights and tension, and 8% it’s a daily thing. Furthermore, 15% of Americans can’t stop complaining (weekly or more) about their partner’s messiness to others. This number rises to 30% among Gen Z.

And when asked what usually causes fights about clutter or messiness at home, couples have some common complaints.

Gen Z were more likely than other generations to say they fight over one person doing all the cleaning (45%), and less likely to say they don’t fight about messes (9% compared with 15% of the wider population).

Mess Is Standing in the Way of You Finding Love

It’s not just about current relationships. Messy living can actually stop romance before it starts. Nearly 1 in 4 (24%) Americans have decided not to pursue someone after seeing how they lived. This is especially true for Gen Z. 38% of Gen Z won’t date someone if their home is a disaster. It gives them the ick.

In some cases, partners move in blind: 18% had never seen their partner’s place before cohabitating. Others noted some red flags. For example, among Gen Z, 23% said their partner’s place was a total mess, 22% said it looked like a home decor aisle exploded, and 18% said the wall art was super cringe.

The Messy Habits We Wish Our Partner Would Break

Others focus on behavior: Many are especially bothered by specific habits. 28% say that if they could change one mess related thing about their partner, it would be that they clean up without being asked. Sharing the load and personal responsibility is another key issue for many people.

Feeling like you need to clean up a partner’s mess can cause tension, resentment, and diminished attraction. It may also prompt people to look into more creative or robust long term solutions. For example, some turn to storage solutions like self-storage units in Louisiana or other locations to hold onto items they want to keep but don’t need cluttering the home.

Because while magic might be nice, sometimes the best clutter solution is a bigger closet… or at least a sturdy storage bin.

Clutter may seem like a small, everyday annoyance, but for many couples, it’s a slow burn that can chip away at patience, attraction, and even intimacy. From secret purges to petty “accidents,” messy habits reveal just how personal, and emotional, our stuff can be. While every relationship has its quirks, finding common ground on cleanliness can be the difference between living in harmony and living in quiet resentment. At the end of the day, love might be blind, but it’s definitely not blind to that pile of laundry in the corner.

Methodology

The findings presented in this report are based on a nationwide survey conducted among 1,000 U.S. couples currently cohabitating with a romantic partner. Respondents were asked a series of questions regarding how they view others’ mess and how clutter affects their relationships. The data pool was designed to reflect a diverse cross-section of demographics, including age, gender, and income, to provide a comprehensive look at the impact of clutter on relationships. The results have been aggregated and analyzed to identify broader trends across the country related to cleaning habits and relationships.

Fair Use Policy

We welcome the sharing of insights from this study for noncommercial purposes, including academic research, blog content, media coverage, and educational use. If you choose to reference or cite the data presented in this report, we ask that you do so with proper attribution and include a clear link back to this article as the original source. Linking not only supports transparency and credibility but also allows readers to explore the findings in full context. For media inquiries or commercial use, please contact us directly for permission.